Today an  example of a conflict defused with wisdom.

A potential conflict between my wife and me began with a discussion about how to hang up clothes in the closet.

Barb hangs them so the opening of the garment faces right; I have always hung them the opposite way.

One evening as Barb was putting freshly ironed shirts in the closet, she asked if I would start hanging my clothes the opposite way, the way she did.

I had had a day filled with details and pressures. I was not ready for a request that would add another duty to my already full plate,

and that demanded reversing a habit (and a harmless habit, at that!) which had seen 50 years of reinforcement.

“What difference does it make?” I asked.

“It makes a difference to me,” Barb replied. As I pushed her for a reason, she continued, “The shirts won’t hang into each other if you put them in like this!”  Well, that didn’t make any sense to me, so I began to let her know that.

“Fine,” Barb said quietly, “Do it as you want.”

That gentle reply cut through my resistance like a hot knife through fat, as the Lord brought to mind a prayer I’d offered earlier in the week: “Lord, help me to serve Barb with joy, to do things which will reduce her stress and help her to be more effective for you.” What Barb had asked for was very small, something that would make her life easier, and here I was resisting. How foolish!

I had actually given her two reasons to fight with me. First, I had cut into her security by refusing to listen to her; if I didn’t listen to this, what other situations would I fail respond to her requests? And I struck at her significance by implying that her request was foolish and unreasonable. But, in her  maturity and wisdom she  immediately defused the potential conflict by resting in the security and significance that God consistently gave her. Praise God for a wise, mature and spiritual wife!

Picture: wise, little Barbara