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More from Nancy’s life in Pakistan

More from Nancy’s life in Pakistan
Fingerprint – Part Three
 
On February 24, 1992, we stood before the house of veteran workers Dave and Synnove Mitchell. Much to our relief they were home and they helped us through the new crisis in our lives.
 
Two days earlier, in Layyah, we had gotten a phone call telling us that a “Baby boy born at 4:45 pm.” Still clutching Dr. Luke’s note telling us this was the baby for us, I leaned into the receiver and asserted myself as a mother, “His name is Christopher.”
 
The following day, after a nine-hour drive to Islamabad, Don and I trudged into the “Mother Care” baby store. Snapping up an array of baby items, we shuffled back to the jeep with our bags.
 
We left the parched capital the next day and climbed three hours on spiraling roads amidst terraced hillsides. Closer and closer to our baby. I studied the faces of the locals we passed on the roadside, wondering if Christopher would look like them.
 
When the nurse placed Christopher into Don’s arms at Bach Christian Hospital, like newlyweds, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. Unlike newlyweds, however, there would be no honeymoon.
 
Cloistered in the Cutherells’ bathroom that evening, no one was happy. Not the howling baby. Not me, all thumbs. Urine-soaked bandages from Christopher’s recent circumcision had to be changed, and well, we were his parents. Don, white and faint from the sight of blood, was also not happy. The night passed, listening to baby sounds.
 
We began the 327-mile trek back to our desert home the following day. Blankets wound around Christopher’s tiny body like bumpers in the used car seat. His head bobbed along in time to the bumpy, curvy roads. My body swirled backward and forward as if on a swivel, checking on our son.
 
Just seventy-five miles into the trip, Christopher was the only one who had it together. Our minds worked overtime. Were we keeping the circumcision wound clean enough? Would Christopher’s staph infection respond to the medicine? Were we mixing his milk formula correctly? Was he wet? Was he cold? Who did we think we were?
 
Finally, when it was evident that our drinking water would never last the journey, the last of our brave efforts at parenting deflated like a balloon. In 1992, in Pakistan, you could not buy bottled drinking water. You sterilized your own or went without.
 
Like disheveled refugees, we huddled on the Mitchells’ doorstep and rang the doorbell. Dave and Synnove welcomed our bedraggled family and delivered us. From ourselves.
 
When we loaded our 4 ½ day-old baby back into the jeep the next day to resume our journey, we were standing on the shoulders of ordinary people who did brave things. Fragile people in the hands of God. Fragile, like a fingerprint.
 
Today Christopher himself is happily married and functioning very well.
 
“but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world
to shame the things which are strong,”
1 Corinthians 1:27 nasb
 
Picture: a road like the one Nancy and Don drove up to get their new son, Christopher.
May be an image of mountain, nature and road

Psalm 11:7c

Psalm 11:7c “[Blessed is the man] whose hope is the Lord his God”
[Jacob kept calling you, “the God of my father” rather than his own God. It took a whole lifetime of self-imposed suffering, fear and loss before Jacob, on his death bed, finally bowed before you and worshiped you as “my God,” making you his personal hope. May we not wait so long to surrender! ]
Psalm 146:6 “[Blessed is the man whose hope is the] maker of heaven”
[You made both the throne room of Heaven where you dwell, and the great expanses of space where all the starry hosts dwell: zillions of stars (and you know the name of every one!) placed in trillions of galaxies, spread across billions of light years of space]
“and [maker of] earth, the sea and all that is in them”
[You spoke the earth into existence with its mountains and valleys, rivers and streams, the seas with all their great expanse. And you created the astounding myriad of plants and animals, ranging from the single-celled, up through insects, cats and dogs, to elephants, walrus and whales–plus the unseen spiritual creatures around us.]
You, Lord God, are amazing and awesome: powerful and creative, wise and all-knowing, all-seeing and all-present–the Creator, the Victor, our Savior and King.
From you alone comes real, sure, enduring hope, giving us the great certainty of having salvation from sin, a surplus of significance and security, and the assurance of a sinless eternity with you. We can know that all which comes to us in this life will be for your glory, our good and the outworking of your triumph over evil.
To you be glory, honor and praise forever: may you be lifted up, esteemed and exalted today, in my life, in my motives, in my thoughts, words and actions.]
May be an image of flower and nature

Psalm 11:7b

Psalm 11:7b “His countenance beholds the upright.”
[ In your love and goodness, you Lord, consistently look after us, your children–we who now stand in the righteousness of Christ. You are aware of every event that comes to us, you filter out what is truly evil and harmful, and you have equipped us to deal with whatever you allow into our lives.
You have qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the Kingdom of Light! You are carrying us forward on to glory, honor and praise as we respond to your direction in faith!
 
Your love is wonderful, rich, pure and powerful, and it is a great privilege to live in it!]
Psalm 146:5 “Blessed is the man whose help is the God of Jacob”
[You work with us, as you worked with that rebellious rascal Jacob. You are patient and persistent, providing consequences to bring us up short, penetrating our lives at the right time with conviction and wisdom, and pointing us the way to full surrender.
 
You, Lord are everything we need. May we never forget this!
May be an image of nature

Psalm 11:7

Psalm 11:7 “For the Lord is righteous, He loves righteousness;”
[Praise you, Lord God, that in you there is no evil, no darkness, no sin, no wrong doing. You are righteous and love what is right. You cannot be corrupted and you corrupt no one. You cannot be tempted and you tempt no one. Instead, you call all to righteousness.
When we believe your Word, the righteousness of Christ is imputed to us. Then we get to grow in righteousness as we walk in obedience to what we know to be true:
–loving your Word by reading, studying, memorizing and meditating on it;
–listening to and obeying the conviction of the Spirit, that most often comes through the Word;
— working by and through prayer, living the truth that without you we can do nothing;
–participating in fellowship, knowing that in your church we will learn to give and receive, help and be helped; we will both enjoy and be irritated by others, repent and forgive, love as Christ loves us.
Help us to be faithful in participating in your righteousness, Lord, living worthy of you, as sons and daughters of the Most High King, the Creator and Sustainer of all. May our central and deepest goal today be to glorify, honor and please you.]
May be an image of flower, nature and tree

Psalm 11:5b

Psalm 11:5b “But the wicked and the one who loves violence, His [God’s] soul hates.”
[Here is one of those seeming paradoxes of the Bible: God loves all yet hates the wicked. Here are three possible understandings among several, all of them true:
–He hates what they do, but loves them as His creatures;
–He loves them, but when they refuse to come under His protection by surrendering to Christ, they fall under His hatred for sin;
–or here He is speaking of Satan and his hoard of demons.
All of them are true. The certainty is that, in God’s character there are no contradictions: He hates sin and will punish it yet found a way (an extremely expensive one) to redeem sinners within this context.
Psalm 11:6 “Upon the wicked He will rain coals; Fire and brimstone and a burning wind shall be the portion of their cup.”
[As part of your plan to eliminate evil, you, Lord God, will in your justice justly punish rebellious evil doers–those who refuse your gracious forgiveness and instead love violence, those who hate what is good, those who refuse to believe you and accept Truth.
This is what you did in Sodom and Gomorrah, what you did in Canaan to those who rejected you, and what you will do to all those who refuse your offer of goodness and grace. There can be no justice without the punishment of evil.
 
But this does not negate your gracious and good heart, Lord, wanting every man to come into your family, your Kingdom, your plans. Thank you for including us. May we never forget your undeserved, counter-conditional, illogical and unimaginable forgiveness and love and rest in it.]
May be an image of flower and outdoors

Psalm 11:5

 
“His eyes behold, His eyelids test the sons of men. The Lord tests the righteous,” Psalm 11:5
[You watch every person, you follow each one, giving opportunities for belief to the not-yet-sons and daughters.
 
And to your children, who have been granted the righteousness of Christ, you give tests that are possibilities to grow, to give you glory and to display grace.
Ah, Lord, help us to remember that difficulties, disappointments, danger and discouragement are tests, each one an opportunity to take up your grace, rise up in praise and defeat the enemy on his own ground.
Help us to follow you on the path that you have laid out for us. May we not fail in these tests but cooperate with you and join you for your glory!
 
Help us today to live in the light of your lavish love, trusting in your great and glorious goodness in each trial, fulfilling the purpose of our lives by offering the sacrifice of thanksgiving in all.]
May be an image of flower and nature

Fingerprint 2

Nancy’s Story
 
FINGERPRINT – PART TWO
 
Dr. Luke scribbled out a note between surgeries on February 21, 1992. He stapled it closed, sealed it in a Bach Christian Hospital envelope, and gave it to his colleague, Naz. After a journey on rugged roads, Naz would deliver the envelope with its explosive joyful contents twelve hours later.
 
As Naz began his journey, 15-year-old Razwana was on her own journey. She crept home from Bach hospital through a crowded bazaar with her aunty, Surat Jan. She clutched a woolen shawl around her to cover her pain and shame. A full-term baby had just been pulled out of her by forceps. A baby unwillingly conceived through rape.
 
Blood from the placental site in her womb was soaking through the cotton wool pad under her baggy pants. Strips of cloth bound around her to conceal her swollen breasts restricted her breathing. Thirsty and dazed from blood loss, she stumbled and grabbed for her aunt’s arm.
 
The plan concocted by Razwana’s mother and aunt to survive the dishonor of the pregnancy was a masterpiece of deceit. They would blame the girl’s ill health and hospital stay on high blood pressure and a urinary tract infection. Her mother would conceal bloody pads in plastic bags and carry them to Surat Jan’s for burning. Despite her wretched condition, Razwana would do her house chores so that things appeared normal.
 
The long game involved snaring a husband inexperienced in sex for Razwana, one who would be oblivious to her lack of virginity. Her Muslim groom would not see her before the wedding, so Razwana’s depression and neurotic behavior would be unknown to him. Her terror at the prospect of sex was irrelevant. A son, a second one, would solve all their problems.
 
Three hundred twenty-five miles away from the drama in Razwana’s home on the Karakoram Highway, my husband and I were teaching the Bible to Pakistanis in the Thal Desert region.
 
After five years of marriage and a long season of infertility, Don and I had opened our hearts to the possibility of adoption. We had added our names to lists at a couple of Christian Hospitals in Pakistan, lists of those wanting to adopt babies.
 
When our screen door slammed shut on the chilly evening of February 22, 1992, we were about to learn how good and generous God is.
 
Don walked into the front room, locked eyes with me, and pressed a small envelope into my hand. It was unopened. “This just came with Naz from Bach.”
 
Standing together in our living room, we opened the envelope and eased the staple off the letter. Hunched over the small note written by Dr. Luke one day earlier in anticipation of a birth, we read, “Baby due sometime in the next few days…they say they will not keep it…available to you…Can you care for it? “
 
In our joy, a verse came to mind: “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result,to preserve many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20 NASB)
 
To be continued…
 
Picture: the new born boy
 
May be an image of person and baby

Taste

Yesterday ended with a dissatisfying taste, an emptiness which I tried at first to banish with reading and popcorn. But then you, Lord, led me in the right path, reminding me to praise you for this unpleasant sensation, as this emptiness was a reminder that my soul finds rest in you alone—and the right response is to offer the sacrifice of thanksgiving!
Therefore I praise you now, Lord Jesus, for this emptiness that reminds me of the wonder and stability of knowing you, of being a child of the eternal living God. You give us all we need for life and godliness and I can praise you for both the pleasant and the painful, no matter what comes.
As it says in Psalm 11:3, “If the foundations are destroyed, What can the righteous do?”
[When everything seems to fall apart, we can look away to you, Lord God, the only sure foundation in all of existence. We can rejoice in your character, rest in your love, live in your wisdom. The instability of the world only serves to highlight the surety of your character: Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today and forever!]
Psalm 11:4-5 “The Lord is in His holy temple, The Lord’s throne is in heaven;”
[You, Lord, are ever ruling, ever awake, ever alert. Nothing escapes your notice and you always act in inexorable positive power at exactly the right time. You rule wisely, wonderfully, willfully. You are moving events to the great conclusion of history, sweeping as many as are willing into your Kingdom and taking us with you, while giving those who aren’t willing multiple opportunities as well.]
 
Help us today to join you in this great plan of redemption and restoration. Help us to offer the sacrifice of thanksgiving in all.

The Eyes of God

Rev 1:13-14 “…among the lamp stands was someone like a son of man, dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. The hair on his head was white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire.”
 
Your eyes, Lord Jesus, are both fiery and forgiving; your heart both loving and giving. Yours acts of righteous grace cause mercy to triumph over justice; your gracious thoughts are unbelievable, returning only good for the evil we have done.
You are consistently, faithfully at work, turning the kingdom of this world right side up, starting within us. You have rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the Kingdom of Light, and now you are teaching us to see things as you do: to rejoice in persecution; to offer thanks in difficulty; to understand that in mercy you chasten all those you love.
With you there is hope, there is meaning and purpose, a future with the certainty of an eternity in joy. Praise you for the foretaste we can have now in your Word as we gaze upon your grace and beauty, and are consistently transformed more and more into your image by the Spirit of power (2 Cor. 3:18).
You, Lord Jesus, are truly worthy of worship, love, glory and honor, both now and forever more. May we honor you all through this day with obedience to what we know to be true.
May be an image of flower and nature

More Autobio

Chapter 61 An Angry Man
The Lord has interesting ways of exposing the next area of sin He wants to deal with in my life. One day when I was coming home from teaching, I walked up the driveway to our house and noticed that there was something different about our car. I looked more closely and saw that the pinstripes I’d bought a few days before had been put on.
 
Deep inside me the heat of anger began to rise. I had been looking forward to putting these pinstripes on the car myself, and now that pleasure had been taken from me. Plus it hadn’t been done that well; some of the stripes were a bit wavy.
 
I stormed into the house, “Who put those pinstripes on the car?!!!” I demanded loudly.
 
“I did,” said Josh, cringing a bit, surprised at my anger. “Don’t they look nice?”
 
“Yes they do, but I wanted to put them on! And they’re not straight!” I was now shouting. “When are you going to learn to ask before doing things?” I said, shaking my finger at Josh.
 
Poor Josh had inadvertently tapped into my reservoir of anger, stored up from all my frustrations, disappointments, unpleasant encounters, worry, tiredness and pride. He unknowingly pushed the button and out it all came.
 
This was not the first time such angry outbursts had happened in our home; they were all too frequent in my life. Sometimes I took out my frustration on things. I’d demolished more than one basket by punching it, and had ruined Barbara’s iron by slamming it down on the table.
 
Now it was time to deal with my anger. The Lord knew that difficult times lay ahead and He needed to prepare me for them.
 
He was ready to free me from the grip that anger had on my life and this “pinstripe” incident was just the thing He used to pin me down.
 
After I had calmed down and apologized to Josh, he said, “That’s ok, Dad, we all make mistakes!” Here he was, being the adult while I was playing the child’s role in venting my selfish emotions! That brought me up short.
 
I thought of how often I’ve said to someone, “You made me angry!” But the reality is that the other person simply revealed my own selfish, idol-worshiping, ungodly heart. I had already “made myself angry” with a wrong response to previous situations, and now it had leaked over into this one.
 
The Lord used several things to rescue me from this pit of anger. First, He gave me a mental picture, a metaphor of how I ended up with these outbursts of anger. My soul is like a clear, empty Turkish tea glass. As I go through my day, negative events put drops of disappointment, frustration, unhappiness and impatience into that glass.
 
Soon it is full of acidic self-centered, unprocessed anger. So when someone “bumps” into me by doing something I don’t like, what spills over onto them from the glass is this acid. They get a reaction much bigger than the situation warrants.
 
Some people are better than others at balancing their tea glass to keep it from spilling: hiding their anger, stuffing it, or denying it. But it eventually comes out in some way. I was not good at keeping it balanced, and tended to spill it too often.
However, the Lord showed me that if, at the end of the day, I take the tea glass of my soul and pour out all the anger acid that has accumulated, it is then clean and empty, ready to be filled with the Holy Spirit for a new day.
 
The Lord taught me to do this through journaling. Often I did not know what was bothering me when I felt negative and pressured, but as I began to write about my emotions in my journal, out came things that I’d forgotten, or hadn’t realized were affecting me.
 
Sometimes a chance word from someone had hurt me and I needed to go to the Lord about that, first expressing my anger in my journal, and then going on to process my anger.
 
This meant forgiving the person, praising God for allowing the incident and applying some Scripture that brought me both comfort and perspective. After that, with my soul empty of resentment, I would be ready for a good night’s sleep.
 
At the beginning of the next day, during my quiet time I could fill the clean and emptied tea glass of my soul with the Word and the Holy Spirit. Then, when I was “bumped” by others during the day, what would spill over on them was the grace of God. I was slow at learning this, but continual journaling took me step by step in the right direction. And the Lord had more steps for me to take.
 
picture: a pin stripe for anger
 
 
May be an image of car