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First Love

 
“My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.” Psalm 84:2
 
There is in each of us that deep longing for something more than this earth can give. As one friend said recently, “There is a question that keeps coming up inside, ‘Is this all there is?’”
 
God has given us a yearning for Him, a gift we often don’t recognize. This longing can be disguised as an undercurrent of dissatisfaction, or a realization that no matter how well things go, there is still some emptiness inside.
 
We tend to confuse this longing for God with our desires for material things, accomplishment or human relationships. However, no matter what we do about it, this longing is there, showing us the emptiness of life without Him, pulling us towards Him.
 
If we pay attention to and cultivate this longing, it can become a positive passion, the burning “first love” that draws us deeper into our relationship with Christ.
 
Ignoring this yearning means we will be like the Ephesians who, Christ said in Revelation 2, would be judged for losing their first love and falling from the high place God had for them. Jesus said to them “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.”
 
And what were those things we did at first? With passion we read and memorized the Word; we went to church with pleasure; we prayed with power; we shared our faith with compassion and joy; we remembered how much we have been forgive and cultivated a heart of thankfulness.
 
If we continue with joy in these, we will nurture our first love for Jesus and walk in a way pleasing to Him. Let us remember where we were (in the dominion of darkness) and where we are now (in the Kingdom of Light) and love the Lord who brought us here.
May be an image of tree, nature and body of water

More from my autobio

More Lessons from Marriage
 
One evening I forgot to come home from work. I loved my career and normally worked from 8 am to 6 pm, six days a week. Some days I worked the noon to 9 pm shift. In addition, I was used to working extra hours when necessary, especially in the evenings. We were open until 9 pm every weekday and at times got a big influx of business during those later hours, so I would stay and help.
 
This particular evening, after working our way through a flood of customers, I arrived home for supper over an hour late. I opened the kitchen door and was greeted by a tigress! After listening for a bit, I closed the door and went away for a bit.
When I came back, the tigress was gone and there was Barbara again! This was my introduction to the fact that women want, like, need information. It’s ok to be late as long as you let them know what’s happening!
 
Before marriage, I had been giving away a lot of my income and wanted to continue this practice. I was very frugal with money for myself but very generous with others.
 
Since we paid no rent for living in the old house on the farm and had no debts, we were very easily able to give large amounts to the Lord, supporting different ministries.
 
I convinced Barbara that we should give 50% of our income directly to the Lord. Her German upbringing had taught her to be very cautious and protect herself by holding onto whatever she had. However, her experience with Operation Mobilization moved her away from this human perspective by giving her good, biblical input on giving, so she agreed.
 
We began to give one week’s paycheck to the Lord and then keep the next one. However, after three weeks Barbara came back to me about this and asked to change this plan.
 
“Rather than giving a whole paycheck every other week, let’s give half of each pay check each week. That will help me to plan better,” she suggested. I did not like that idea. It felt so much better to give a whole paycheck!
 
It took her a while to get me to see that her suggestion made no difference in the overall picture; I just had to give up the emotional rush I got in doing it my way. This was the Lord’s way of impressing on me the importance of examining my motives, rejecting my negative ones while acting out of good ones—and I had a number of negative ones in this case, such as pride, selfishness and wanting to make myself look good in my own eyes and those of others.
 
God would continue to develop my ability to discern and evaluate motives because it was His plan to bring me further out into the freedom He has for His children.
Then we talked about dropping her health insurance, giving that money to the Lord instead. “Insurance is no different than a bet,” I explained. “The insurance company is betting that we won’t get sick; we are betting that we will.” Barbara looked pretty doubtful. She was struggling with the strong German value of security.
 
“I’m not saying buying insurance is wrong,” I continued, “I’m saying we shouldn’t just assume it’s right to buy it; we should ask God whether we should buy it or not. We should put our trust in Him rather than in the insurance company. Then if He clearly says we should buy health insurance, we are trusting in Him by doing so.” That made sense to Barbara’s spiritually mature mind, so we cancelled her health insurance.
 
Three weeks later we rode our bicycles to a friend’s house to help him spread loam on the yard around his new home. The lawn had quite a slope and I was working a bit below where Barbara was. As I was swiftly spreading out the loam, my shovel hit a rock, bounced off it and struck Barbara’s ankle, slicing it deeply, then scrapping up her anklebone, exposing a good stretch of it.
 
I was horrified; she was in pain and shock. I scooped her up in my arms, asked to borrow my friend’s car and roared off to the emergency room. From the back seat Barbara wailed, “And now we don’t have any insurance! Dropping it was not the right thing to do!”
 
I clamped my mouth shut and concentrated on driving. We got right in to see the doctor, who quickly cleaned the wound and stitched it up. “This will heal well,” he said, “It is a clean cut.”
 
I paid on the way out: $25.00. And that was the only medical fee expense we had for the whole rest of the year, confirming to me that we’d made the right decision!
 
Living at the Lord’s direction without insurance was an adventure. When we were expecting our first child, we began to save toward the cost of the hospital delivery: $1,100 in 1975. However, shortly before Josh was born, my father and mother gave me a bonus for doing a good job of bill collecting for the business. The amount they decided on? $1,100! They did not know how much the birth would cost, but the Lord did!
 
Soon after Josh was born, we took him to the pediatrician for his first check-up. When the doctor was done with us, we stopped at the nurse’s station to pay our bill.
 
“What insurance do you have?” she asked.
“We don’t have any.” I replied.
 
She looked up in surprise, “What? You have no health insurance?!!”
 
“No, the Lord always takes care of us.” I said.
 
Just at that moment, the doctor, who was also a believer, came out of an examination room and walked by the desk on his way to another patient. “By the way, nurse,” he said, “There’s no charge for these folks.”
 
As the doctor disappeared into an examining room, I leaned over the counter and said to the nurse, “See?”
 
She could only blink in surprise.
Later on in our lives when we joined a mission group, we were required to have medical insurance, so we complied. That was God’s clear direction to buy insurance, and we obeyed, following the principle of submitting to authority.
Picture: Carving the turkey for our first Thanksgiving Day together in the old house on the farm
 
May be an image of one or more people, people standing and indoor

Plans

One of the wonderful aspects of the truth that God has a plan for good which he laid out for history and for us is that God is absolutely faithful: He plans, and then unwaveringly, inexorably and powerfully keeps all on course.
This is obvious in the dozens of prophecies given in the Old Testament which are exactly fulfilled in the New Testament, many of them thousands of years after being given. God promises and He brings it to pass, period.
The rebellion and evil of Satan, of men, or of me cannot derail His purposes, His over-arching plan. He has the infinite ability to weave our evil actions into the overall outcome of the good that He desires. As Joseph said to his brothers near the end of his life: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Gen 50:20)
This is also seen in Daniel’s life, where every attack on him resulted in more glory for God and more influence for Daniel. “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand” (Pro. 19:21).
This was especially encouraging to me as, over several years, I helplessly watched Barbara spiral down into depression and weakness. God has a plan here and I can trust Him in it, join Him in it, knowing that in the larger picture, He will use it for our good.
God’s faithfulness assures us that He will bring the right outcomes at the right time. His plans are so certain that they can be expressed as finished before they come to pass, calling Jesus, “…the Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world” Rev 13:8b. The certainty that Jesus would die for us was so solid, so set in stone that God was able to express it as being done before history even began.
You, the living God, the Triune Lord, are all we need, for you are the faithful Creator and the trustable Ruler of all. To you be glory today as I join you in your plans, listening to your Spirit, living in your power according to your Word, being a person of praise. May you be exalted in my life today. Amen.
May be an image of nature and tree

Control

Lord, I praise you that I did not wake up alone this morning, for you were there, waiting for me, ready with the elements of this day, all carefully arranged, wisely laid out, lovingly prepared. Truly, “My times are in your hands…” (Ps. 31:15).
As human beings, we live in the river of history where events propel us through the day, the week, the year and beyond. The vast majority of these events are outside of our control, swirling in and out of our lives without our desire, beyond our power: wars, floods, famines, storms, political changes, economic shifts, accidents, illnesses and deaths.
These come and go in seemingly meaningless, random patterns, empowering some, snuffing out the lives of others, bringing and taking prosperity, uniting and separating families and strangers.
Even on a personal level I have only a certain amount of decision-making control, mostly in how to spend the time, money and energy given me. In the limited scope of my life, this seems to be quite a bit of power, but outside events can easily disrupt this control: an accident, sickness, loss of income, a fire, a storm, a fight ending a relationship Any one of these can come to me easily without my wanting or being able to prevent it.
To think of how powerless I am is disturbing: human beings do not like weakness, randomness and insecurity. However, when we become a child of God, born again into His family, there is a great shift in this scene. While the situation remains the same, there is one significant truth added that alters everything drastically: all those events and things that are out of my control are fully and securely in the hands of our loving and powerful Heavenly Father.
He who breathed the stars into existence, who hung the earth on nothing, who set it in exactly the right orbit around the sun, who spun it at the needed speed on a perfectly tilted axis, who formed the mountains and valleys, who spoke the animals into life–He is the One who holds our lives, our future in His hands.
He is not only in control, He has a specific, detailed plan, one that will not fail: “…the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” And no one can frustrate Him in it: “The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples” (Psalm 33:11,10). No matter how hard we may try, we cannot circumvent the overall plan God has prepared: “There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD” (Pro. 21:30).
And what our Father has prepared for us is good: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'” (Jer. 29:11). He may lead us through many difficulties, as the Spirit led Jesus into the wilderness, but these are for our good, our maturity, our equipping, our bringing more glory to God.
May be an image of nature, lake and tree

The Pleasure of being weak

From Edified
 
“The Lord reigns; Let the peoples tremble! He dwells between the cherubim; Let the earth be moved!”
Psalm 99:1
 
Praise be to you, Lord God, the holy One, our sovereign King. Praise you that I can give thanks in all things, knowing that you reign, allowing/bringing to us what is good. Thank you for last night’s interrupted sleep, the restless legs, the disturbing dreams, waking up often, being dried out and the resulting grogginess this morning. All this reminds me of my weakness, my inability to regulate even how well I sleep.
 
In reality, there is not much that I can control, just a tiny sphere of “power” where I can make decisions, but not fully determine their outcomes. I can choose to go to bed early, but what comes afterwards is not in my hands.
 
Praise you for showing me again my powerlessness—it reminds me that most of the points in the beatitudes in Matthew 5 are a description of weakness. Beginning with, “Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven,” Jesus went on to say, blessed are the meek (instead of those in control), those who hunger (instead of those with resources), those who are merciful (instead of those manipulating others in power), those who are peacemakers (instead of those being deal makers), those who are persecuted, insulted and lied about (rather than those trying to protect their honor).
 
To be weak is good, it is honorable because it brings honor to you, for you said, “My power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). Therefore to be weak is something to rejoice in, to delight in, to praise about (talk about supernatural thinking!).
 
It is a chance to give you glory, to live by faith, to be a channel of power, a spring of grace, a beacon of hope, a demonstration of goodness, a witness of the One true God to all those around us.
 
Praise be to You, Lord Jesus, for showing us the way in this, as you, in your human weakness, suffered emotionally when you could have decided to avoid it, suffered physically when you could have called on angels to deliver you, suffered spiritually when you could have come down from the cross and left us to what we deserved.
 
Instead, you chose to be weak, to let the attacks of men and devils reach you, flow over you, defeat you in the moment, so that you could triumph in the end. Because of your willingness to be weak you could fulfill the demands of justice.
 
You followed the unseen wisdom of God and brought redemption, salvation, glory for all who were to become your brothers and sisters, and honor for yourself, which you will also share with us. Power alone could not do it; power in weakness was the way. Praise be to you for showing this to us.
 
Prayer: “Lord, help me to walk joyfully in weakness today, rejoicing in your strength, your power, your mightiness, your holiness, your greatness, to acclaim you in all I do, to walk in the light of your presence. Glory be to you. Amen.”

Picture: Easter sunrise service, proclaiming our weakness and God’s Strength

May be an image of one or more people, people standing, tree, nature and sky

(Untitled)

More from the Add-on Eskimo
 
Attacked
 
The next morning one of Okfagit’s sons complained of not feeling well, so Nisana insisted that he stay home from trapping. Before leaving, the others gathered around him and prayed.
“Jesus, you are the Creator. You can heal the sick. We pray that you will touch this boy and make him well. Thank you.”
 
Okfagit then took his oldest son and Ayit and went out to hitch up the dogs. As he left the house, Ayit looked over the kennel area and suddenly shouted, “Father, one of the dogs is missing!”
They went over to look and saw that the dog’s tether had been cut. They looked for a trail, but there were so many tracks in the snow that it was impossible to follow any specific one.
 
“Come,” said Okfagit, “hitch up the others. We will see what happens while we are gone.” Then he paused, “Maybe this is because of the curse the shaman has put on us. Let’s pray before we go.” They stood in a tight circle and Okfagit prayed, “Jesus our God, you know about my son’s sickness, about the dog missing. I pray for healing and for restoration. Protect us as we go trapping.”
 
They left the village a little later than normal, but because the days were getting longer, they would easily be able to reach their hut before dark. They went from trap to trap and got several foxes. However, when they came to the last trap, they found that fox mostly eaten.
“Look here,” Okfagit said, pointing to tracks coming and going from the trap. “A polar bear did this. It must be really hungry to be this far from the ice. We must be careful as we travel.”
However, they arrived at the hut in good time without incident, lit the seal-oil lamps and set to work skinning the fox they had caught. As usual, they put the bodies of the skinned fox on the roof of the hut.
 
During the night they were awakened by a loud creaking and found the hut shaking around them.
 
“It’s the bear,” whispered Ayit. “It must be reaching up onto the roof to get the dead fox we put there.”
 
“Be still,” commanded Okfagit. He quietly got up and took his rifle. “We will wait and see what happens.”
 
After a pause, Ayit added, “Jesus, help us, protect us!”
The shaking continued, then it was quiet. Suddenly the door of the hut burst open and the bear stuck its head in as far as it could, following the smell of living flesh. It roared and pushed harder trying to break through the door frame. The whole hut leaned to the side and Ayit was sure it would fall, that the bear would then easily get to them.
 
“Help us, Jesus” he cried out again. His prayer was followed with the load blast of his father’s rifle, magnified by the very small room. The bear turned and pulled back. But they could hear it still pacing about.
 
“A wounded bear is doubly dangerous,” said Okfagit. “We must stay in here and wait.”
 
The wind that came in with the attack of the bear had blown out the seal-oil lamp. Ayit relit it so they could see to shoot if the bear attacked again. Okfagit seated himself with his rifle in the back of the hut, directly across from the door and waited. They could hear the bear roaring and stomping outside.
 
Suddenly, again without warning, the bear ran at the hut, put its head through the door and roared. Okfagit already had his rifle raised and shot right into the bear’s mouth. The bear immediately drew back, roared again and then was quiet.
 
They all waited in suspense, not knowing if the bear was trying to draw them out, or if it was really dead. Finally, Ayit said, “I will look.” He carefully stuck his head out, and in the moonlight saw the bear lying on its side, blood running out of its mouth.
“It’s dead, I think,” he told the others. Slowly and carefully they came out and looked the bear over. It was a big male, but somewhat thin, probably from the poor hunting possibilities.
 
“Come,” said Okfagit, “We must prepare it before it freezes.” They all went to work, taking off the skin, cutting up the meat and tying it up in bundles which they put on the meat platform.
Then they went back to the hut and laid down to sleep, surprisingly at peace in spite of the traumatic attack.
 
As they lay in the dark, Okfagit said, “Thank you, Jesus, for protecting us. You are our good Boat Captain.” And they slept.
They were up early, fed the dogs, and after a breakfast of dried fish, loaded the polar bear meat and skin along with the fox pelts, and set off for home.
 
As usual, they stopped at each trap and found five more foxes. They arrived home at dusk to find their missing dog waiting for them in front of the house and the sick boy well.
 
Word spread quickly in the village as one person saw the polar bear skin and ran to tell others. Soon the whole village was standing around the sled, and one elder spoke.
 
“What is this, Okfagit? You have another polar bear! Three in one winter!”
 
Okfagit told the story of the bear’s attack, their crying out to Jesus and how he helped them. He also told about his missing dog and his sick son, how he prayed for each and how Jesus had restored both.
 
The crowd talked with one another in low voices. Then an elder stepped forward. “In spite of the shaman’s curse on you and your family, Jesus has protected you. He certainly is more powerful than our spirits, than our ceremonies, than our shaman. I, for one, choose to leave the old ways and follow Jesus!”
 
Some in the crowd also stated their belief, while others wavered and some glowered, unhappy with the change.
 
Okfagit spoke up, “Jesus’ Way is the good way. Only he can protect and provide for us everywhere. But he requires obedience to his good commands. Here, Ayit, tell them what Jesus wants.”
 
Ayit stepped forward and recited the passage of 2 Peter 1:5-7.
“Add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control endurance, to endurance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, to brotherly kindness God’s love.”
 
The elder nodded. “No one can fight against such wonderful words, such goodness and power. Yes, I will follow Jesus.”
 
Before departing, Okfagit said, “Any of you who have chosen to follow Jesus, come to my house tomorrow morning and Ayit and I will teach you more about him.” The crowd broke into chatter and slowly moved away to their own houses.
 
“Father,” said Ayit as they turned to enter the house, “You spoke so well! You certainly added endurance to your self-control. In spite of the shaman’s curse and the people’s opposition, you have stood firm. Thank you for your faith and obedience! A great example to me.”
Picture: trapping foxes at 50 below zero.
May be an image of outdoors

From my journal

An entry from my worship journal written in 2015
This morning I slept until 7:45! Not to my liking. I’d rather get up much earlier, as I usually do, but I praise you anyway, Lord, for this. You know what is best, and I thank you for what you have allowed.
You are the God of glory, the Lord of Love, the King of kindness, the Ruler of righteousness and the Shepherd of strength. To you we belong, as well as our time, energy, abilities, possessions and relationships.
To you also belong trust, surrender, dependence, obedience and love. To you belong worship, praise, honor, fear, awe and glory. And to you belong wisdom, power, grace, goodness and holiness. All of these you share with us whole-heartedly, abundantly, richly, graciously.
Praise be to you, Lord Jesus, for your sweet shepherding of us through the valley of the shadow of death, through the disappointments, hurts and difficulties of life, through loss, failure, pain and suffering, through conviction, repentance, forgiveness and restoration. You are wise and good in knowing what we need.
I thank you for the “limbo” we are in now with Barbara’s illness and the disorientation she is suffering [She has since recovered]. I praise you, Father, that you have things planned out: how long we must wait, the help you will give and the circumstances we will go through.
I praise you, our Sovereign God, who allows us the privilege of choice in our sphere of responsibility, and that you then weave together our choices, both good and bad, and those of others around us, to bring about the great conclusions you desire.
Praise be to you for the guidance you will give today, the protection you will provide and the strength you will grant. Help me to make decisions in partnership with you, bringing about what you desire for today.
May be an image of 1 person, standing, tree and nature
 

Psalm 34:21-22

 
Psalm 34:21 “Evil will slay the wicked;”
[we cannot play with evil and win. In the end it will devour those who indulge in it. The devil always destroys his own, of that we can be certain.]
In contrast, “the foes of the righteous will be condemned.”
[The righteous will be vindicated and their foes–those who oppose righteousness, including Satan and his minions as well as those humans who reject good and love evil, who refuse to bow before Jesus as God, Savior and Lord–they will be judged, condemned and sent to the holding place of wickedness, locked up forever.
Praise you, Lord, for your just and right hatred of evil, for your not allowing it into Heaven. You are purely good and only what is good will be allowed into the new Heaven and earth, continuing for eternity.
Praise you that you made the way to eliminate evil from our nature, to free us from both the essence and penalty of sin, to transform us from enemies into emissaries of your Kingdom, from being condemned criminals to cherished children.]
 
Psalm 34:22 “The LORD redeems his servants;”
[In you, Lord Jesus, we, your beloved servants, have been bought back from the kingdom of darkness, from dwelling in the land of the dead, from blind stumbling through life and we have been ushered into the Kingdom of light and life.
I praise you for your faithfulness in following through on your promises given in the Garden, Father, to provide a Savior and salvation for all. I praise you for holding open the gate of grace to every human being, continually offering eternal life to all, and bestowing it on who are willing to come, bow before you and receive your forgiveness.]
“no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.”
[You, Lord Jesus, are the true and mighty Rock of refuge, the Place of protection and pardon, the Fortress of favor and forgiveness. Praise be to you for your lavish Love, your persistent Power, you gracious Grace and your great Goodness as you seek to bring all into your Kingdom, even though you know all will not come.
Your unending Love is so Great, so Mighty, so Eternal, so All-embracing, always flowing on and on in spite of what we are and do. You are worthy of our love and adoration, our fear and obedience, our worship and exaltation.
Lord, today may you be glorified in my life because you are worthy. May you be lifted high in my being, exalted in my words, extolled in my thoughts, honored in my actions and magnified in my motives. To you belongs honor; may it flow bountifully to you today. Amen.
May be an image of nature, sky, tree, twilight and lake

Post-wedding Adventures

After the wedding we drove to His Mansion in the car that had belonged to my mother’s parents. They were too feeble to come, but this gave them a part in the wedding as well.
 
The reception was crowded and full of great conversations. By the time we got to the refreshment table, however, there wasn’t much left. But we did get enough of the great wedding cake my aunt Ruthie had made for us.
 
Barbara had suggested we take her mother with us on our honeymoon. “Poor mama, she won’t have anyone to speak German with for a whole week!”
 
“She’ll make out just fine,” I said. “We are not taking her!”
 
We went to Schroon Lake, the headquarters for Word of Life where Barbara had worked the first two years she was in the States. We stayed with one of her old friends who ran a motel with cabins.
 
Mrs. Spinelli’s husband had had a stroke and couldn’t talk, so she was lonely and wanted to visit. She invited us for supper at 5 pm and talked to us non-stop for over three hours. It was 9 pm before we finally got back to our cabin.
 
“I don’t know if I can take a whole week of this!” I said.
Then the Lord brought something to mind: “Didn’t you marry so you could serve others better together? Here’s your first opportunity to serve as a couple!”
 
“Yes, Lord, you are right. Ok, we will serve this lady in any way we can.”
 
The next morning when we went for breakfast, Mrs Spinelli told us that her mother had died during the night, a long expected event as she had been in a coma for considerable time. Mrs. Spinelli had to go to New Jersey for the rest of the week. Would we mind?
 
I had to chuckle. The Lord has a way of testing us, bringing us to surrender, and then giving us the desires of our hearts.
 
Barbara had a good time introducing me to all her friends. We went to the gas station and tanked up, but the owner not only didn’t take any money for the gas, instead he gave us a $20 bill as a present! The Word of Life folks gave us a little reception. It was a nice time.
 
We wanted to hike up a mountain while we were there, and the evening before we drove out to the base of it in my van, planning to sleep there so we could get an early start. Just as we were getting into bed I remembered that the lock on the side door didn’t work. Someone could easily come right in during the night! My old companion, fear, gripped my heart.
 
Barbara said she could feel the fear come right into the van. Her response was to laugh. She thought to herself, “Here I married this big guy to protect me but he’s afraid and I’m not!”
 
We prayed and stayed. But this was another manifestation of that irrational demonic fear flowing from the monster movie. I’d seen as a child. It would continue to plague me for years to come. The Lord was not yet done with what He wanted to accomplish through it in my life.
 
We got back home on Sunday evening and found Barbara’s mother none the worse for having had no German speakers for a week. Mom was a very gracious hostess and they had communicated with “hands and feet,” as the Germans say.
 
The next day at 7am there came a knock on our bedroom door. “Zeit zum aufstehen!” commanded my mother-in-law. “Time to get up!”
 
I glared at Barbara. “What does she think she’s doing?” I asked. “I’m the boss in this house and in the business, too. My workplace is fifty feet from the house. I can go out there whenever I am ready to!”
 
This was to be the first of many challenging encounters I would have with the German culture of my mother-in-law. Several days later after we put Barbara’s mother onto the plane back to Germany, I thought things would naturally settle into a nice harmony between us; instead there was a constant stream of new things to deal with.
 
For one thing, Barbara began to order me around. “Get up.” “Do this.” “Do that.” We had a talk about this and it turned out that she was just translating into English what were to her normal requests in German. What was somewhat polite in German turned into something pretty pushy in English!
 
Then when my birthday came at the end of May, Barbara handed me a big bouquet of flowers as her present. I was amazed–and insulted: flowers for a man!??? This certainly went against everything I’d absorbed from Dad about being masculine—values I had stored away long ago on a hidden emotional level. Receiving flowers as a gift from my wife pushed all my negative buttons!
 
I looked at the flowers, tossed them over my shoulder and said, “So where’s my real present?” Now Barbara was shocked. Her father would have loved to get flowers for his birthday. She could not understand why I reacted so negatively. We both had a lot of things to adjust to!
 
Picture: My mother was very happy I was married
May be an image of 2 people and indoor

Psalm 34:19-20

Psalm 34:19 “A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all….”
 
[Being righteous in you, LORD, does not protect us from trouble–I think of Job and his trials, of Daniel and the multiple life-threatening crises he experienced. But as you were clearly with each of them, so you are with each of us in every challenge and will properly deliver us from every difficulty when the proper time comes.
 
You may deliver us at the moment, or in a while, or years later or at death; you know the best timing and we can trust you in it. I think of Abraham waiting for a son, of Joseph waiting to get out of prison, of Elisha’s flood of difficulties, of Isaiah, Jeremiah and Jesus in what they suffered. You were with each and delivered them at the right time and in the right way. Praise you for this promise which I personally can trust, even as my wife is in the midst of a distressing illness with no end in sight. (she is now well)].
 
Psalm 34:20 ‘he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.”
 
[Here is a clear reference to how you protected Jesus in His beatings, crucifixion, anguish and death. In spite of all the physical abuse he took, you kept his bones whole–every single one. You are the God of detail, of power, of total awareness.
And so you also work in our lives. I think of the many times you have spared me in driving, times when I should have had an accident because of my own poor choices, but you sovereignly intervened and kept us safe.
 
You are God, you are King, you are wise and you are powerful. You are worthy of our trust. I surrender myself to you this day, willingly giving my life into your hands again.
 
Fill me anew with your Spirit, may He overflow onto to all whom I meet today. May you be honored and exalted in what I think, say, do and accomplish. May I praise you in and for all things. May your name be lifted up by my responses to whatever comes. I praise you for the privilege of exalting you in the midst of suffering. Amen.
May be an image of nature and tree