More on conflict’s causes and resolution.
As mentioned yesterday, at the root of all conflicts are the desire, the lust for significance and security. This is true for both individuals and countries. Wars start either to expand power and influence (significance) or to defend against a foe (security). Today I experienced this on a personal level, as a friend had a visitor who inadvertently said something insulting. My friend’s reaction was anger and attack. His sense of significance had been attacked.
In order to avoid unnecessary conflicts, we need to learn to draw our significance and security from the right, unchanging, unassailable source.
First, where do people normally get their significance? From their own success, and from others’ approval. These are very unstable sources. One day you succeed and you are the hero, the next day you fail and are the villain. We tend to react negatively to anything that impinges on our perceived significance. How do you feel when you come into a room where friends are talking, and no one greets you at all (see the picture below? There arises an anger at being ignored. And when a teammate does something that makes us feel insignificant, the seeds of a conflict are sowen. Or, when someone we are teaching fails badly, it means we failed and we can become angry with that person.
Second, from where do people normally get their security? Primarily rom having as much control as possible. Again, a fragile, fleeting source. There is actually very little that we can control beyond our reactions, and sometimes we can’t control those either! We can’t control the weather, other drivers, politics or often our children. Our sense of security is easily broken by an illness, an accident, a loss, a failure, a slight (again, see picture below). So when a teammate threatens our security in some way, presto, a conflict.
Now, the next question is, where does real significance and security come from? The obvious answer is: God Himself.
He has given us immeasurable, infinite significance.
We are created in the image of God;
chosen before the foundation of the world;
redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;
adopted into the Family of God;
made citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven,
made priests and kings….and the list goes on.
Not one of those things can be changed or lost. If we find our significance in Him, nothing can take it from us. This forstalls conflicts because one major cause has been removed, if we embrace that significance. Think of the simple shepherd David, given incredibly great significance by God, chosen to be king. We, too, are kings, and more: “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1
And He has given us tremendous security:
He has made Himself our shepherd,
promising all we need, promising to never forsake us,
to protect us from what is truly evil,
and to carry us through every event He allows into our lives.
“My soul finds rest in God alone, for my hope comes from Him,” Psalm 62:5. Think of Joseph, betrayed by his brothers, sold into a death sentence of slavery, put in prison, but destined to become second in the kingdom of Egypt.
Tomorrow we will talk about putting this into practice.
