Conflicts! They are an essential element in life—but not one we like. They are unavoidable, but with the right understanding are, in many cases, solvable.
In order to solve a conflict, you have to know the bottom line reason for it. People rarely know themselves what the root cause is. But after having enough conflicts of my own, and helping others resolve theirs biblically, it seems that there root cause of every conflict is basically the same.
James 4:1 gives us a big clue: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”
In my experience, the most powerful of those wants are the desire for significance and security. Think about it: everyone wants to be important, to have respect, to have approval. And everyone wants to be safe. Any threat to these two desires is going to lead to a conflict.
So, if you can figure out how the situation is threatening a conflicted person’s sense of significance or security, there is great hope to resolve the conflict.
For instance, in one team conflict, there were two members with exacttly the opposite goals. Having started a small gathering for new believers, the security seeker wanted to limit it to only people they knew. However, the guy who sought significance wanted to invite anybody he met on the way to the meeting. They were working in a restricted country where the police were out to quash anything they did, so if the guy met someone on the bus and invited them, chances of this person was a spy or a policeman were high. The significance seeker felt very fulfilled when getting more people to come, while the security seeker was greatly threatened by this invasion of unknown guests. Neither were willing to come to a compromise, and the team disintegrated.
At that time I had not come to this understanding of the root cause of conflict, and was unable to help them adequately. However, in the next conflict I was asked to mediate, applying this understanding, we were able to come to a solution and both sides went on to serve God effectively for many more years.
So, when you have a conflict, or are asked to help in one, think, “How do the desire for significance or security fit into this?” and “How can I help these people to find them in the proper places—for trying to find them in the wrong place is the big mistake that leads to conflict. And that will be the subject of tomorrow’s post.
Picture, the essence of conflict.
