“The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.”
Proverbs 4:18
From all outward appearances it had been a good day: a couple of positive discipleship lessons, business goals accomplished, and a warm, productive team meeting. However, inside I was in turmoil: dissatisfaction, anger, jealousy and negativity swirled around in my heart.
As soon as we got home from the team meeting I got out my journal and began to write about what I was feeling, lifting my soul to God. A string of emotions poured out on the page where I could look at them more objectively and begin to examine them in the light of Scripture.
The last few weeks Psalm 27:1 has been my springboard for worship: “The Lord is my light and salvation, whom shall I fear….” God is the One who brings light into our darkness; He illuminates our way, showing us what is causing us to stumble; He shows us the next step. Then, as we let Him, He moves to save us from what is threatening us.
In this case what was threatening me was my old self. After letting God shine the light of His Spirit down into my soul, what emerged as the root of all the turmoil was, surprise (!), my desire to be significant. And after our return from America I was having trouble fitting into things again.
This uncertainty was manifested by my craving to have control over the events and people around me–to be important because I was in charge. This desire is ungodly and destructive. Plus, having control of everything is an impossible goal, so I naturally ended up frustrated and angry.
Having shown me the source, God then led me to confess my unbelief and rebellion against the Truth, to reject this desire to be important through power and to surrender to His Word. He has already given me all the significance anyone could ever desire: created in the image of God, chosen before the foundation of the world, redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, adopted into the family of God and equipped for special service to Him. I needed to start thinking and acting like who I am in Christ!
Another factor is that we were still in jetlag and had not recovered from a very intense, one-month trip. Low emotional and physical resources can lead to a skewed view of things. So, after dealing with the root cause, I took the evening off and did some relaxing and profitable reading before going to bed early.
Life is so complex from our viewpoint, while it can be quite simple when we look at it from God’s perspective. He gives light from His Word and Spirit while we need to take the time to look and listen through lifting our souls to Him by honest journaling, and then obey what we know to be right.
Prayer: “Lord, help me today to walk in the light of your Word, to think your thoughts, to make decisions that please you. Help me to continually surrender my will to yours. Amen.”
