“Come here, my daughter. Sit with me and let’s talk.”
She came, hesitantly, and sat down cautiously with Him on the great seat, just a little back from Him.
“I see fear in your face,” He said tenderly. “Tell me, what is it you fear?”
She lowered her head, “I… I,” she faltered, “I am afraid of being left alone. I am afraid that things will not go well.” She stopped, thoughtful, “And I am afraid that people will disapprove of me.”
“Hmmm,” He said, “So how are you trying to protect yourself from these fears?”
“Well, I hadn’t really thought that I was doing that.”
“You are right my daughter, you haven’t thought clearly about this. You are acting on what you feel, not on what you think. It is important to think on these things. I never intended for you to be ruled by fear.”
“Yes,” she said, straightening up a bit, “I should think about this. I guess I try to deal with my fear of being left alone by holding onto those around me. That is, I try to get them to do what makes me feel safe.”
“What things make you feel safe?” He asked, smiling kindly.
“Well, when everything is orderly and clean. When my family does things the way I think they should be done. And when our finances are in order.”
“Hmmm, So you are the measure of right and when you succeed in controlling others you are secure. That sounds a bit self-centered I’d say.”
She hung her head. “I’d not thought of it in that way.”
“What about your fear of people’s disapproval; tell me about that.”
“Well, I don’t want to appear foolish or incompetent. I also don’t want my family to look that way either. I want people to think well of us, that we are successful and have it together.”
He nodded understandingly. “And how do you go about accomplishing this?”
She thought for a moment. “For one thing, I want my husband to be right, so I correct him when he makes wrong statements. For another, if he isn’t doing things the way I want, I put pressure on him to conform.”
“So, you are being his leader?”
She looked startled. “I hadn’t thought of it in that way,” she said. “I think of myself as helping him.” She looked up at him, “But you don’t think that, do you?”
“Now you are thinking well, my daughter; you are beginning to see truth. I have put you two together to share your gifting, your strengths, and your learned wisdom. I also gave you specific roles. Your husband is to lead. You are to be the helper,” He paused and waited.
She looked down, “And you think I’m not playing my role.” He was silent. She shook her head, then continued, “Well, I just have this push inside to make sure things go right!”
“Go right?” He asked. “Right according to….?”
She blushed, “Well, according to me, I guess.”
“Good, honest answer. Now you must understand that I did not call you into this marriage to do things according to you. I called you to play a role according to my Word. It is your role to be your husband’s helper, not his guide, or manager or conscience, or teacher.” He paused. “Has playing these roles made you happy? Have they brought contentment and peace?”
She shook her head.
“That is another good, honest answer. You know that I offer you peace and joy, hope and love, but you must trust me to have them. Are you trusting me?”
She was silent, then shook her head.
“You are right. You fear losing things instead of looking to me to supply them. Only I can give you the security you need. I will never leave you or forsake you. I will never abandon you. I will never fail to supply what you need. I will never take away my love, approval or my delight in you. I am your Shepherd and I care for my sheep.”
She was crying now. “What should I do?”
“Repent of your fear, encourage yourself in my Word. Psalm 23 will give you much help. Stop trying to control events and people, especially your husband. Start following his lead. Ask his forgiveness.” He reached out and put His hand under her chin, lifting her face to Him. “And believe that my love is enough.”
She nodded.
“And one last thing, Memorize Romans 15:13 and pray through it every day.”
He reached down and hugged her. “Now back to your family. Go in my love, go in my strength, go in my peace.”