Fairness, as defined in our age of tolerance, is that everyone should get the same thing, be given “what we deserve.”  In light of this, when we ask the question, “Is God fair?” we have to answer the question, with “No,” “Yes” and “No.”

So, is God fair? First, “No.”  If God were fully fair and gave us what we actually and naturally deserved all people, as sin-twisted rebels would all be sent to Hell immediately.  As the Word says, we are by nature children of wrath (Eph. 2:3), and that in our natural selves there dwells no good thing (Rom 7:18).  Since God is righteous, He must punish sin–if He did not punish sin, there would be no justice, no hope of change for the good, no solution to the problem of evil.  Before a just God, we would naturally all go to Hell right now–if He acted only from fairness.

However, praise God, His character is not limited to the low and simplistic standard of being fair. He is also merciful, loving and full of grace.  Therefore, in this area, He chooses to not be fair; that is, He does not give us what we deserve, but instead offers the possibility of pardon.

An entry in my worship journal expands on this.

You, Lord Jesus are faithful–faithful to Your righteousness, to your holiness, to your justice, to perfect judgment of evil.  You will always follow through on who you are.  And you, Heavenly Father, being love itself, are faithful in your hatred of sin, of evil, of anything contrary to your character.  In your love you judge sin, rebellion, and anything that does not measure up to your righteousness; if you didn’t judge, you would not be love, for righteous, pure and perfect love cannot abide with anything that is tainted by unlove: selfishness,  pride and evil.

I praise you, O Lord God,that you rise far above our ability to comprehend.  How could One who hates sin so profoundly, provide, against all logic we know, a pardon for your creatures who are so thoroughly sinful, selfish, evil and rebellious–so contrary to you?

Yet, in your wonderful, rich grace, you opened the way, at great personal expense, providing reconciliation through crushing your  Son without mercy that mercy might flow to all your enemies (us), giving us the potential for redemption, reconciliation, transformation, and eternal life with you.  You are faithful to your character:  you are Light, your are Love, you are Life itself and you are altogether lovely. You have not been fair, but have given us the opposite of what we deserve, and we praise you for it!

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Teenagers or Young Adults?

When our younger boy was 7 he came home from his German school with a new science textbook.  We sat down together to look through it.  On the inside cover was the picture of a family: father, mother, son and daughter, all completely naked with full front view!

“Well,” I said to my wife, “We need to step up to the plate here!”

Turning to the boys I said, “If you have any questions about anything in this book, or anything else, for that matter, you can ask us.  We won’t be angry about any question you have.”

The next morning our 7 year old came down to breakfast and asked me, “Tell me, dad, how was it the first night when you were married?”

“It was great!” I replied.

“Aren’t you going to give me any details?” he asked?

“When the time comes we’ll talk about it,” I said.  Satisfied, he went to get his breakfast.  He had given me a test, and I’d passed!

From that time on the boys came to us with all kinds of questions, things they heard at school, on the street, from the TV.  Among many other things, we talked about sex, masturbation, Playboy and marriage.  The boys later said that this openness to talk about anything and everything was what helped them the most as they entered their teen years.

When the boys were 9 and 11 we read Dr. Dobson’s book Preparing for Adolesence. One of the best parts of this book was his talking about how teen-agers felt and how that did not reflect reality.  When the boys entered their teens and began to have negative feelings (“no one understands me”), we would say, “And what did Dr. Dobson say about that?”

The boys would reply, “He said we didn’t have to get stuck in those feelings.”

“Ok, let’s not do that.  Let’s talk about how you feel,” I would offer—and we spent a lot of time taking walks and talking.

As a result of this approach, the boys never became teenagers, instead they became young adults, responsible, communicative, open.

Later in thinking about it, I realized that before 1946 there were basically no teenagers. Most young people had to start working early to help their families, so instead of becoming teens, they became young adults.

However, with the growth of affluence after the war, the high school sports/cheerleader culture developed as students no longer had to work so much.  And adolescence was prolonged as more and more went to college.  It became considered normal for teens to be disrespectful, distant and uninvolved with adults.  However, that does not have to be accepted, as we saw with our boys.   Taking the time for communication and mentoring helped them be reasonably respectful, engaged young adults. Life certainly is much easier living with young adults rather than teenagers.

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One cold blustering winter day while walking to school, my 5 year old (now 33 years old with a child of his own) looked up at me and said, “Daddy, let’s go back to America where it’s warm!” This comment impressed upon me again the challenge of raising children in three different cultures at the same time.  My son had no idea that the winter in Connecticut is colder and longer than here in the Middle East.  All he remembers is the wonderful warmth of summer with lots of green grass he could play in and a place to swim every day.

Living in three cultures (American, German and Middle Eastern) is, however, not a handicap but a privilege.  The Lord has designed this experience to enrich our boys’ lives.  They get the opportunity to adopt the best of each culture, to have a great understanding of others and to simultaneously learn three languages basically painlessly!

At the same time we must be careful that we provide them with a realistic view of each culture, not letting one become a dreamland in their minds.  We also must help them keep bridges open among those cultures: they shouldn’t become so Middle Eastern that they can’t fit back into American society, or so German that they are critical of the untidiness here.

How do we keep this balance?  The first step is, obviously, prayer, for all our efforts are only feeble struggles unless empowered by God.

The second step is to have right attitudes ourselves.  If we are critical of one culture or its people in general, this will certainly rub off on the boys.  It is good to point out all the advantages they have here: where in America does the milkman come with a horse and wagon, the drinking water come in a big bottle brought by a dump truck, and the call from the Mosque serve as our alarm clock?

Third is by schooling.  Both boys went to the German Kindergarten where they polished up their German and learned a bit more about German culture and customs.  They also both realized the privilege of speaking three languages as they sometimes translated for the local children who came to learn German.  Outside of school all the boys’ friends are local, getting them more into the local culture and language.

Reading is also a great way to keep the doors open to each culture.  8 year old Josh is learning to read in all three languages, both to himself and to Nat, and is delving into Ranger Rick, Reader’s Digest and National Geographic.

The most important area is a-cultural, that of training in spiritual things.  Consistent family devotions are important, as is memorizing Scripture. But of primary importance is our attitude as parents.  I can’t expect them to learn thankfulness if I’m always complaining, or kindness if I’m unkind.  Nor will they learn the power of prayer if I do things only in my own strength. That is the greatest challenge of all to live out before what I say I believe.

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