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More Autobio

 

After Barbara fell down the stairs and I picked her up and ran out  to the real estate agent’s car. He drove us to the nearest medical place, a private hospital in the cellar of a mosque in our neighborhood. He was so nervous that he almost had an accident on the way.   I lifted Barbara out of the car and carried her up the ramp. The guard at the door, seeing her blood-covered clothes, immediately brought a wheelchair for her and led me to the emergency room.

Within less than a minute of arrival, Barbara was on the table with a doctor and two nurses examining her. They worked quickly and compassionately.  Within an hour she had x-rays taken, a cat scan done, was tested by the eye doctor for her double vision and examined by the orthopedic surgeon. The surgeon gently held her right wrist, “You are fortunate not to have broken your neck in such a fall. And amazingly, you don’t seem to have any serious head injuries, considering that you fell about three meters vertically and landed on your face, then hit the wall with your head.

“But, you do have broken a bone here in your wrist and I need to operate on it. Have you had anything to drink since your fall?”

“Yes,” said Barbara, “I drank some water right after we got to the hospital.”

“Well, then you must wait four hours before I can give you anesthesia,” he said. “Be back here at 11 pm.”

I called a taxi and took Barbara home. We worked together to get her out of her bloody clothes. Even in her battered state, Barbara noticed how blood stained they were and expressed sadness that one of her favorite outfits was now ruined. We threw all her clothes into the water in the bathtub and carefully got her washed up.  It was too difficult for her to do it alone, not being able to use her broken right hand.

We were back at the hospital by 10:30 pm. A nurse took her away in a wheelchair while another took her information from me.

“Would you like a room here for the night?” she asked. “Your wife will have to stay overnight after her operation.”

“How much will it cost?” I asked.

“Twenty Liras,” she replied, “and that includes breakfast.” That was about $10, so without hesitation I agreed.

The operation didn’t take long. The surgeon put the bone back where it belonged, shot in three “nails” in to hold it in place and then put a temporary cast on it. She was in and out in an hour.

We both slept poorly because of all the noise in the hospital, plus we had visitors at about 2 am! Our friends, Freedom and Falcon, had heard about Barbara’s accident and walked all the way from downtown—about four miles—to give their condolences. Very nice, very local, very late!

The next morning after breakfast the surgeon checked Barbara once more and then sent her home. Her face was now nicely multi-colored with bruises from the fall, including a blue “moustache” bruise where her face had hit the floor!   When we got home, I took her clothes out of the bathtub, and we were surprised and pleased to see that all the blood stains were gone. A nice Jesus sighting, a touch of God’s love.

Barbara’s front teeth were loose from the impact, so I decided to call a dentist we knew. She gave us an immediate appointment, and then sent us for a special x-ray.   After looking at the results, she shook her head. “You will have to have root canals on all your front lower teeth because the trauma will kill the nerves,” she announced. In addition, the impact of her fall had pushed Barbara’s front teeth in quite a way, she couldn’t bite properly, so the dentist, without telling us what she was doing, filed off the inside edges of the teeth to make them fit better! We decided not to go back to her. Thankfully, in the end, none of Barbara’s teeth needed a root canal. She did need braces to bring the teeth back into place, but because they were injured in an accident, our insurance paid for it. Another nice provision from the Lord.

As we returned home, from the dentist, we found that our way of life had to be altered considerably as Barbara was now greatly hampered with her broken wrist. I became her valet, helping her get dressed, buttoning buttons and brushing her hair. The hard part for me was putting in bobby pins—there is a certain skill needed for that, and for some reason I had never developed it!

This kind of “serving” was very far from the masculinity my father had emphasized.  I often could hear his voice in my head, “That’s women’s work!” I chose, however, to reject his evaluation and to think instead of Jesus’ words in Mark 10:45, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve….”

It was clear that one of the many things God did in me through this accident was to free me further from fear of man. But for Barbara the question still remained: “Why did God allow this accident to happen?” We both knew intellectually that what He allows He does so for good reasons; but these are often hidden for a while and some we will never know about in this life. It would be two years before we found out about one very important reason God had for allowing this accident.

 

 

Psalm 16:5

Psalm 16:5 “LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;”

[All I have comes from you, O Holy God: my position, my provision, my protection, my portion. And what you give is good. This includes my body, my brains, my boundaries, my bonds, my bounty; whatever they appear to be from a human perspective, they are good and I will praise you for them.]

“you have made my lot secure.”

[You, Lord, are the God of power and authority. Only you can give security: whatever you choose to protect will be untouched by the enemy; whenever you allow an attack, it will be used for good, no matter how unpleasant it may be.

I can rest in your glorious and endless perfection, knowing you will weave all into your great plan to end sin, evil and time, sweeping as many as possible into your Kingdom.

To you be glory and honor today, Lord. May praise and thanksgiving continually well up in my mind and spill off my lips. May the light of your love shine from my being, may you be lifted up in my actions and reactions, my attitude and speech.

May praise be the keynote of my life today, may the darkness of complaining and discontent, grumbling and negativeness be swept away in the brightness of your presence so that you may have more glory before both the invisible hosts and visible folks.]

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Psalm 16:3 “As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.”

[You, Heavenly Father, made us saints when you led us to be born again. You qualified us to be partakers in the Kingdom of Light, you rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the Kingdom of your beloved Son. And you have made us glorious in Jesus, giving us His righteousness, making us His brothers and sisters and giving us a share in His inheritance. You delight in us, despite what we were naturally—rebellious, unbelieving, selfish and proud.

You have made us new creations in Christ, welcomed with joy into your presence where we are delighted in, rejoiced over, cherished and treasured. In you we can rest securely, knowing that you have accepted us fully, finally, faithfully. In you alone we are safe, for safety is not the absence of danger but the presence of Jesus.]

Psalm 16:4 “The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods.”

[In contrast to you, Lord God, every other god is false–the gods of every religion, along with the gods of comfort, power, materialism, politics and business, sex and entertainment, getting my way and controlling others.

Each one is an illusion and leads only to disappointment, bondage, oppression and darkness—the opposite of what you bring, Lord, for you are Light, Love and Life, you bring freedom, joy and peace as well as grace, greatness and goodness. You are the opposite of all other gods, you are the only One worthy of worship, and we thank you deeply for making us your children. Help us to live out that Truth today.]

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Psalm 16:2b

Psalm 16:2b   “apart from you I have no good thing.”

[This is a full focus on Truth—only you, Lord, are truly Good. All else that I have is chaff–temporary and worthless in the long run. As the author of Psalm 73 said, “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you!”

To live this Truth is freeing, powerful and focusing: “apart from YOU I have no good thing!” All else must be viewed in relation to you as elements of stewardship, as tools, as means of obeying and glorifying you. It is in you that all comes together.

Praise be to you, Lord God–Heavenly Father, King Jesus, Holy Spirit–for you are the reason for our existence, the focal point of life, the eternal and infinite God.

Therefore, I choose anew to bow down before you today and then to praise you, love you, glory in you, honor you, exalt your name and your Word.  I choose to rejoice in you, revel in you, and obey you–all for your honor. May you be exalted in my life today.

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Psalm 16:1

Psalm 16:1 “Keep me safe, O God,”

[And You can easily do this, Lord Jesus, for as my Good Shepherd you are incredibly powerful, deeply wise, all-knowing, all-present and all-seeing, living outside of time. You are passionately loving and whole-heartedly compassionate. I can cry out to you, knowing that you will hear and that you will answer in the best way. Praise be to you.

“for in you I take refuge.”

[This is my part,  it is not automatic. I  must cooperate with you, coming to you, thinking Truth, meditating on Scripture and obeying you. I am called to trust you, praising before any answer comes. As it says in Psalm 62:2 “You only are my Rock, my Salvation and my High Tower,” if I stay up in you “I will never be shaken.” As always, it is a partnership between you, Lord, and your children. I praise you for how you call us to join you in what you are doing, making us responsible, giving us the power of causality, as Pascal said.]

Psalm 16:2 “I said to the LORD, ‘You are my Lord;’”

[This is a statement of surrender—you are my Adonai, my Authority, the One I obey, the One who has the right to demand absolute obedience while promising absolute provision for our obedience.

To say “You are my Lord” means, “What you command, I will do.” That is why it says in Romans 10:9 “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Part of being born again is the surrender to Jesus as our Lord, our King, our final Authority. And  that is a decision we are called on to reaffirm with each situation that confronts us.

The question always is, “Who will I trust? Who will I surrender to?” Hopefully  it will not be to our own understanding, or the desires of others, but to the Lord of the universe, the Breather of the stars, the Spinner of the earth, the beginner of time and the Ender of history]

 

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Wonderful

You, Lord, are a wonder, too good to be true–but are actually even better than that!

I thank you so much, Heavenly Father, for the privilege of not just being in your family, but of being able to come, at any minute, directly to you in the throne room of Heaven And when necessary to crawl up in your lap for comfort, encouragement and redirection.

Help us to live in the light of your great goodness, your rich righteousness, your lavish love and your powerful presence. Help us to join you today in your plans,.

Help us to shed our pride, our selfishness, our lust for significance and security, and instead to find rest in you alone, humbly bowing before you in the fear of God, joyfully accepting all you will bring in your plan for us.

Help us to consistently move by prayer, to persistently work through obedience and to joyfully overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit so that you may be honored throughout this day.

And help us to live in the truth that knowing Jesus is enough for joy, giving thanks in all and living in the light of your goodness. Thank you that you will!

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Detailed and Direct Involvement in our Lives.

Praise be to you, Lord God, for your kind and consistent, detailed and direct involvement in our lives.

I exalt you, Lord, for how you are so persistent in pouring pardon into our lives, giving us the opposite of what we deserve.

Thank you for your patience with us as we zigzag along, bouncing between arrogant rebellion and abject self-pity. We so quickly forget the most basic spiritual truths,

we are so prone to spiritual amnesia!

–that we deserve only condemnation and rejection, but you constantly give us the opposite;

–that we can do nothing without you;

–that you are our Shepherd so we will not lack anything necessary;

–that we can offer the sacrifice of thanksgiving instead of complaining;

–that we can keep on your full armor and effectively fight the devil rather than people.

But in spite of our forgetfulness, you do not give up on us, Lord Jesus. You are gracefully, lovingly consistent in correcting, reminding, protecting and, when necessary, rebuking us. As it says in Hebrews 12, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”

Help us, Lord, to “not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes” us, but to remember that the “Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his” child.

And that, in spite of the pain involved,  it “produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Not for those who experience it, but those who learn from it.

Help us to consistently learn, Lord, that we may mature and honor you.

 

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More Autobio 

                                   Chapter 80  Forced Adjustments

In 1993 I began to have chest pains that then migrated down my left arm. I got a stress test done, but it did not indicate that there was anything seriously wrong. However, I took the pains as a warning and decided that I needed to begin eliminating some of the stress present in my life.  The Lord helped me to identify what I now call “junk stress,” that is totally unnecessary stress that I created myself.  Stress, I learned, is actually an inward response to an external stimulus. Two people can be in exactly the same situation, with one being totally stressed out by it and the other completely calm.

For instance, two drivers come to a stoplight. One sits there, looking at the cars around him, observing the people in them. He does some small motor exercises while waiting, and prays for his family. He experiences zero stress.   The other driver nervously drums his fingers on the steering wheel, looks repeatedly at his watch, fiddles with his tie and talks to the light, telling it to hurry up and change.  He is very stressed. His reaction to his wait at the red light is intensified because he left home late, meaning he would be late for his next appointment.  Plus his wife was unhappy with him when he left. All of this adds up, so now he is stressed to the max. That was a picture of me!

As the Lord led me through a time of looking for the stress that I unnecessarily manufactured for myself, He showed me them one at a time.  Primarily, I was trying to fit too much into my days.  After a full day of meetings and visits, I would try to squeeze in a stop at the bank, a stop at the gas station, then buying something from the grocer’s and dropping by the printers to pick up work I’d left for him. Of course, this would make me late in getting home, which would create even more stress for me and my family.

With the Lord’s and Barbara’s input, I learned to be more realistic in my scheduling and to cut back on spontaneous additions to my day.  This made a definite difference— my chest pains went away. There was also a hereditary factor in this chest pain scenario: all the males in my family have high cholesterol–it doesn’t matter how healthily we eat, our bodies just produce it. As a consequence, most of the men in our family have had heart surgery or have died of heart attacks or both. So my doctor put me on a statin. I hoped that this would protect me from any serious heart problems. I was to be disappointed in that, but the Lord would work a  marvelous outcome.

In late August of 2004 the son of our landlord called me and said, “I must move out of my rented apartment in four weeks,” he said. “I want to move into yours. So you must move out before the two weeks are up!”

As always, it is a shock when we have to move, but that’s part of being a renter. We prayed for God’s guidance in finding a new place.

The locals have a saying, “Look for good neighbors, not a good apartment.”  Ending up with bad neighbors can make life miserable, as one of our teammates had discovered recently. He and his family had moved into an apartment above an old woman and her son, both eccentrics. They would often bang on the radiators if they thought someone was making too much noise and would call the police to come and “straighten out” any neighbor who bothered them in some way.  It got so bad that our teammates eventually had to move out.

In my search for a new apartment, I started with a price limit for the rent; that filtered out about 90% of what was available. And of those places within the price range, most were either unlivable or too far from public transportation.   We did find a reasonably nice one in a good place, with neighbors who seemed ok, but it was two flights down from the street level so was quite dark, and the view from the living room was of the roofs of the houses in front of us.

The next apartment we visited was just the opposite: two floors up, bright and sunny and airy with a nice view. In fact it was so bright with the afternoon sun shining in that Barbara put on her sunglasses. As we left the apartment, she went ahead of me toward the stairs in the dark hallway, while I asked the real estate agent some more questions.

With her sunglasses still on, Barbara started down the dark stairwell but, unable to see well, she lost her balance on the top step and fell. I was too far behind her to help and watched in horror as she basically flew through the air all the way to the bottom of the stairs, landing on her face on the marble landing and then ramming her head into the marble covered wall!

I ran down the stairs to where she lay still, facedown against the now blood-spattered wall. In my hurry to help her, I did everything wrong. I rolled her over, scooped her up in my arms and carried her out to the real estate agent’s car. If she had had a spinal injury, I could have made it much worse by doing this, but the Lord graciously overruled. And He more good instore for us….

Picture: diligent Barbara in her hurt state

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God, Our Great and Good Guardian

One night when I went to give a discipleship lesson, I found that the couple had just gotten a new little dog. He’d been suddenly taken from his familiar environment where he’d lived all his 3 years and was feeling very unsure and insecure in this new situation. For some reason he would not go to the two females in the house but jumped up on the man’s lap for a bit, then onto mine where he snuggled down and stayed for the whole lesson. Somehow he felt safe there, and enjoyed the scratching I gave him.

So it is with us and you, Lord. No matter how challenging our situation or how dangerous and painful the happenings in our life may be, we can snuggle down in your embrace, knowing that you have already prepared a path through whatever is facing us, that you will accompany us along the way, carrying us through. You have a plan, you are faithful, you will carry it out. “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for you are with me….” Psalm 23

The only element we must add in any situation is trust, based on our knowledge of who you are; then you will pour peace, joy and hope into our lives (Rom. 15:13), along with more than enough grace (undeserved help) to move through any circumstance with power (the definition of “endurance.”) “Trust in Him at all times, O people, pour out your hearts to Him, for He is our refuge.” Psalm 62:8.

I praise you now, Lord Jesus, for the day you have laid out before me. Help me to keep on the full armor you have provided, to trust you by getting up the shield of faith through offering the sacrifice of thanksgiving and to join you in what you are doing so that I may give you more and more honor each day.

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Our Faithful and Good God

Praise be to you, Lord, for how faithful and good, wise and powerful you are. We see this in the expanse of the heavens, which you stretched out for billions of, not just miles, but light years. You filled it with stars, (Psalm 33:6) gathered them into galaxies and the arranged them into formations—and you know the name of each of these trillions of stars (Psalm 147:4); you know their number and you keep them in place.

As you can administrate all that, so you are certainly able to deal with the small details of my life. Being outside of time, you know every event that will come and can shape them to be useful in our lives–or prevent them if it is best.

I think of the many times I’ve had close calls in driving, including one this week: but you prevented an accident each time and kept us safe. And I’m sure there are thousands of times you have protected us in every area over the years that we were not aware of it.

You are certainly the Deity of details, the Shepherd of strength, the Lord of lavish love. You are the One we can trust, rest in and rejoice in. As Psalm 62:2 says, “You only are our rock, our salvation, our high tower” and as long as we stay in that tower “we will never be shaken.”  And how do we stay there? Choosing to Trust. How do we show our trust? By offering the sacrifice of thanksgiving, giving thanks in and for all things. Simple but so against the natural grain of human nature.

Thank you for your patience with us, Lord. Help us to be people of praise and thanksgiving in the light of who you are.

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